Shema Yisrael

Ram Caught In A Crown of Thorns

  For the first time since coming to be a follower of Yeshua, which brought with it the necessity of redefining my relationship to the pursuit of artistic expression, I have been given the green light by the Lord to paint!  This is partly because of discovering Christian artist Makoto Fujimura and partly because of watching my dear friend Kate walk through the same challenge.  I have been able to witness how God is holding her hand as she learns to serve Him with her art.


I am rusty at best, but out of eight attempts at overlapping the ram caught in the thicket with the Lamb caught in the crown of thorns, I brought forth one keeper.

Age of Accountability

After 40 years wandering in the wilderness (plus a few), finally I am working toward becoming Bat Mitzvah, a rite of passage usually done when a person reaches the ripe old age of 13.  Too late?  I say "No."

At 13, having seen the collapse of my family and set loose in the Berkeley culture of the 60's in which all structures and systems were being torn down, I was running amok in the People's Park riots and tasting of every misbehavior I could get my hands on.  

My parent's generation was not the first in my line to liberate themselves from Jewish religious observance, each going his own way.  Now I seek to connect with earlier generations who sought out Adonai, who meditated on His word day and night.  As I retraced the steps of my mother's family and found her name and the names of my parents' parents' parents inscribed in a book in the heart of Vienna, and as my mother, sister and I were welcomed with blessings, prayers and shared grief for what was lost, I see how the Lord wishes to restore that which the locust devoured.   

I do not pursue Bat Mitzvah because I have to or think others have to, but because I want to receive that which is being offered in God's work of restoration, and I pray others will be blessed by it.  HE is offering, and I say, "Yes."

Vienna Review

"God that made the world and all things therein, seeing that he is Lord of heaven and earth, dwelleth not in temples made with hands; 
Neither is worshipped with men's hands, as though he needed any thing, seeing he giveth to all life, and breath, and all things; 
And hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth, and hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation; 
That they should seek the Lord, if haply they might feel after him, and find him, though he be not far from every one of us: 
For in him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain also of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring." (Acts 17:24-28) 

After crashing at 4pm yesterday afternoon I find myself wide awake and perky for a new day in the middle of the night. What else to do at this hour but blog? 

The Vienna journey was deeply multi-faceted and many stories could be told, some of which are really funny.  The cultural misunderstandings and cross communications made for some priceless moments, like when I tried to pray for a waitress and she recoiled, thinking I was going to pay her not in Euros but in blessings, and she yelled, "You can't live on blessings!"  We did a lot of laughing, as well as crying.  God's presence was with us throughout the trip, in very visible traveling mercies, in the love that was shown, in divine appointments, in the three of us ladies getting along at close quarters for two weeks, and for me in the completion of a God-ordained assignment. 

Without our new friends at Beth Yeschua, it would have been a much more ordinary vacation, but Joshua, who heads up the Messianische Gemeinschaft, or Messianic Fellowship, organized a series of events that made the journey so much more remarkable.  Mom's return, as a Jewish person, to the place of her birth after being forced to flee during the Nazi era, held great importance for many people we met.  We were embraced and welcomed in a most overwhelming show of gratitude, love, acceptance and even repentance.  Zechariah's words came to mind, 

"Thus saith the LORD of hosts; In those days it shall come to pass, that ten men shall take hold out of all languages of the nations, even shall take hold of the skirt of him that is a Jew, saying, We will go with you: for we have heard that God is with you."

Firstly Joshua found a gallery for Mom to have a show.  The gallery in their turn ran with the baton, so that there was a good turnout at the opening, a newspaper write-up and most importantly, a visit from a local city representative who delivered a message of welcome to Mom from the President of Austria and the Israeli Ambassador.  We were presented with a sachertorte for Mom's 93rd birthday, which was the following day.



Joshua organized a "Welcome Home" event as part of the Saturday Shabbat services in Mom's honor.  It was a very moving ceremony.  Mom told her story and others got up to respond.  One who spoke was a father of five sons from Texas, whose mission and ministry alongside his wife and boys is to bless the Jewish people.  He tearfully apologized for gentile Christian abuse of the Jewish people in the name of Jesus and showered us with words of blessing.

We were meticulously cared for by the precious believers of Beth Yeschua; we were transported and well fed and encouraged in every possible way by them. My sister and I were pushed to the limits of our endurance by our 93 year old mother, as we walked endless palace grounds and museum galleries and saw works of art we'd only seen before in books. Most memorable was the Breugel room at the Fine Art Museum.  This was a room where my mother spent many childhood days lost in the dense activity of Breugel's scenes.  Herod's massacre at Bethlehem, the Tower of Babel, the procession to Calvary.  



Nanette taught a collage workshop that blessed those attending and gave us a chance to sit quietly and turn inward for a moment.  My concert was part of the next Shabbat service.  Again we were presented with expressions of repentance and a desire to bless us Jews.  My job was to receive and accept the apologies and be blessed, to forgive as I wish to be forgiven, and yet not forget or belittle the hurtful events of history that brought us to this moment.  The Lord gave me a song of reconciliation to share (lyrics below).

Perhaps the most extraordinary moment of the trip came when we visited the Jewish Community Center and found in an office, in a cabinet, among a collection of ancient enormous leather-bound volumes, in a ledger, opened to a page, on one line, in meticulous old style hand-script -  the record of my mother's birth, with the names and marriage dates of her parents and grandparents.  The grandparents' names were not even known to my mother until that moment.  It was then that I knew that a piece of me belongs to this distant city.





I filmed much of the trip and will be hard at work putting a movie together.  I interviewed many Austrians about how they feel their country is healing from the holocaust.  All feel Austria has moved on, and with the passing of that generation there is a new tolerance and willingness to live in peace.  Feelings toward the holocaust are complex, combining a sense of shared victimhood with a harder to express shame at having participated in Hitler's vision.

I close for now with the words of the song given to me for the occasion of my journey to Vienna.

Holy Meeting Ground © 2011 Michelle Shelfer

If your Mama wore a yellow star,

If the darkness left her broken, stunned and scattered,

Someone is calling you.

If the hurts of all her history

Still smart within your sinews, still trouble your bones,

Someone is calling you.

Calling you out, can’t you hear him

Calling you out?

CHORUS

You are called to the Holy Meeting Ground,

Where bond and free are gathered to forgive and be forgiven.

To touch your knee to the Holy Meeting Ground,

Making peace with one another, with the land where we were wounded,

Making peace with the Prince of Peace,

Can’t you hear him calling you?

Hear him calling!

If your Papa bore the killing badge,

If he wore the colors of destruction, fettered,

Someone is calling you.

Or perhaps he only held his tongue,

Only stayed indoors while all the world was shattered,

Someone is calling you.

CHORUS

You are called to the Holy Meeting Ground,

Where Jew and Greek are gathered to forgive and be forgiven.

To touch your knee to the Holy Meeting Ground,

Making peace with one another, with the land where we were wounded,

Making peace with the Prince of Peace,

Can’t you hear him calling you?

Hear him calling!

A Priceless Sendoff

  
"I wanna watch Tangled now!"  Precious granddaughter Josie wishing us well on our journey.

Carry Me Daddy

My husband's wisdom delights me. The other night I asked him, "What about all those prayers we pray that are not in the will of God? Like when I pray for something that doesn't happen, or I pray to prevent something that ends up happening. How am I to understand this?"

He began to speak of our daughter when she was a child. She would always ask Daddy to carry her up the hill to the house from the car, even long after she was too big to be carried. Daddy didn't always carry her, but still in asking she was expressing love and dependence on a father whom she knew cared for her above all else and fulfilled her needs as a father. In simply asking she was acknowledging the father role and her relationship to it. 

When we ask our Abba Father to carry us we may have to walk up the hill ourselves, but we express our love for Him in asking even for the unreasonable. Our asking is an expression of faith and dependence on Him.  That has to warm our Father's heart!

The other day I prayed before rowing that God would not let me fall in the water. That day I had my first fall in the water. It was my birthday, and as my boat folded me into the water as gently as egg whites into batter, my mind was screaming, "But it's my birthday!  It's my birthday! No, no no!" 

At first I concluded that my prayer was out of harmony with God's will, until I remembered that I'd also prayed for God to build me as a rower. When I fell in the water I had to learn to get back in the boat, no mean feat. My prayers were in conflict with one another, and God in His infinite wisdom chose which was the best prayer to answer.

Art Katz On How He Came To Know Jesus

Broken By Abortion, Fixed By Jesus

A Parent's Reward

Bringing forth again the scripture I mentioned in the "Shabbat Shalom" entry below; it bears repeating, since it marked the beginning of our Sabbath honorings, and recently when we were out of town, Raechel honored the Sabbath without us, making the challah and the brisket, and involving Naomi in this precious way.  She is singing, "Baruch Attah, Adonai..."

"Behold: The heritage of Adonai is children; the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of youth. Praiseworthy is the man who fills his quiver with them;" (Psalm 127:2-5)

Prayer Book

In the course of a wonderful "explore", as Pooh would say, of my favorite used book store, my nearly two year old granddaughter left the shelter of the children's book section and dove into the adult stacks all on her own, with me lurching along trying not to lose her.  I lost sight of her for one moment, and then she rushed at me from behind a corner, holding a book out that she had chosen for my pleasure.  It all happened so fast, I cannot imagine how she found it.

A Prayer Book for Jews in the American Armed Forces, in Hebrew and English, published in 1945, or the year 5705 on the Hebrew calendar.  Only God could have placed that book in her hands.

This is the same bookstore in which I found a Hebrew-English New Testament, the exact edition I had less than a week prior given to a Jewish friend fluent in Hebrew who did not know the Lord Yeshua.  It is a rare book, and I was startled to find it so soon again, except that God does work mysteriously.

That friend fluent in Hebrew, my old school mate, has recently died.  I pray that she opened the book and partook of the treasures contained therein.  Who would not be compelled by the unfathomable depths of the New Testament, by words such as this:

"To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved." (Eph 1:6)

Dream Life

I had a dream in which I was enticing my granddaughter Naomi to play in the waves at a lake by making the sign of a fish (we use American Sign Language with her), which caused her to dive in, and so I dove in after to save her, but found that she was able to swim quite well.  So I just hovered nearby, and when I saw a dead rat lying on a pile of sticks and leaves the way you see debris floating on top of the water, I steered her away from it so as to keep her safe. I awoke with the conviction that she will be and is a swimmer in the living water, and my job is to entice her towards Christ (the fish), and to guide her and be near her. As for the rat, it made me think that the living water has a natural process of self-purification. It gathers up that which is waste and filth, and it hurls it to the shore so that we can swim in purity.

Shabbat Shalom

How shall we honor the Sabbath?  We seek to be obedient to God, but we are also not slaves to the law, thanks to the gift of grace that is redemption in Yeshua HaMashiach.

I know that many have found answers to this question for themselves, and I am now in the position of seeking God's will for me.  I have prayed for the Lord to reveal to me how He would prefer for me to keep the Sabbath, and that He would teach me the meaning of Sabbath, and as sure as I am that He answers my questions, I have been poised for His answer.

A long time ago I asked my husband if we might just take one Friday a month to observe a Sabbath at home.  We already share Shabbat services elsewhere on two other Fridays each month.  He said no at that time, because he was overwhelmed with all our commitments and wanted to remain spontaneous.  But as I continued to pray, recently he suggested (and I'm sure he had forgotten my request) that we do just as I had asked.  We settled on Friday, May 1, 2009 as our launch date.  We decided to have an open invitation to all on the first Friday of every month, and make it comfortable, home-style and centered on Yeshua as our Sabbath rest. 

As I prepared for the Shabbat, one feature of the traditional service was particularly intriguing.  The Shabbat doesn't just fizzle out at the end of the 25 hours of rest.  The ending of the memorial is as important as the beginning.  The end of Shabbat is marked by the "Havdalah" ceremony.  Havdalah speaks of dividing, just as God divided day from night on the first day of creation. It speaks of the process of sanctification by which His chosen ones are set apart from the world for Him.  So my Sabbath observance must have a clearly defined beginning and a clearly defined end, in order to be properly set apart for Him.

In advance of our first Shabbat, I had a week of overwhelm at work.  I had sleepless nights.  I carried much stress and found little relief.  By the time Friday, May 1 rolled around, I was desperate for rest.  Then my daily reading for that day spoke to me as a blessed assurance:

"For indeed HE gives HIS beloved ones restful sleep.  Behold: The heritage of Adonai is children; the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of youth. Praiseworthy is the man who fills his quiver with them;" (Psalm 127:2-5)

Although I put up signs in the community, sent a few emails and expected a few guests, in the end it was just Jerry, me and our daughter and her family.  The psalm increased my appreciation of this company.  We distinguished the Shabbat from ordinary family dinners by lighting candles, reciting blessings, praying, and engaging in a discussion after dinner.  A bit more formal than usual, and an opportunity to impart to our family and worship with them.

I am committed to abstaining from work during this time, but Jerry continues to work as hard as ever, and we have an understanding that our marriage unit will benefit from even one of us observing the Sabbath.  Interestingly, as Jerry left the house at 5am the following morning to go to work, he slipped and fractured his ankle.  I pray the Lord will use this experience for good.

Even as I finish writing this post, I am prepared to finish the Shabbat with the Havdalah.  Then I will head off with Jerry to the VA emergency room.  The sky is darkening, and a layer of fog might prevent me actally seeing the first three stars of the evening...  

"For we walk by faith, not by sight." (2Cor 5:7)

How Molly Prays

"Let there be a waiting that is full and plump and beautiful,

that is just soaking and brewing to make a beautiful pot

to pour out for You, steeping excited in the richness

in the whole infusion of the tea You're making in us."

Honoring an Old Friend

When you cry I cry along with you.

Since we own an electronics recycling business, I never have to buy electronics.  So when I needed a new cell phone last year Jerry found me one from the pile of e-waste and it became my new phone.  It had a scratch on the lens and a piece of the plastic housing chipped off, but it worked fine.

The prior user had installed a ringtone that I liked, so I kept it.  It was a song that said, "When you cry, I cry, I cry along with you.  When you smile, I smile, I smile along with you."  I figured it was just another pop song, but whenever the phone rang I imagined that God was speaking to me with the gentle assurance of His presence.  I didn't want to ruin my interpretation of the lyric by looking it up and finding that it was just another love song.

It wasn't until tonight that I finally researched the song and found that in fact it is a pop song, but one in which each of the three verses tells of a tragedy, and a person who calls out explicitly to God and God replies, "When you cry, I cry, I cry along with you.  When you smile, I smile, I smile along with you."  It is a very poignant song about human tragedy and the love of a God who answers and comforts us when we suffer.

The band is T.O.K., a reggae band from Jamaica and the song is called Footprints.  No, they're not a Christian band, in fact much of what they do is unGodly.  But somehow here they spoke a deep and penetrating truth that I have encountered in the Word of God, and in my studies of the suffering of the Israelites and all people.  Even in a prior blog (below: "Mother Asks Again") I quoted Exo 3:7: ""The Lord said, 'I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering."  God does not necessarily prevent awful things from happening, but He does suffer with us, and He rejoices with us.  He is God with us, Immanuel.

Tonight I am grateful for a God who would place a message in my phone for me, to remind me of His abiding love, His care, His empathy for such a one as me.  I am touched by Your gentle comforting voice, my LORD.  I believe you, and am in awe of such a loving Father.

Hunger for That Which Fills

"He humbled you, causing you to hunger, and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord." (Deut 8:3)

Thank you, LORD, for the daily feeding regimen.  When I depart from it, I hunger!  The Living Water feeds us such that we will never be thirsty again, yet we hunger and thirst for righteousness.  Filled and hungry at the same time.

"Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry..." (Phil 4:12)

My son spoke to me of an unexpected ministry that has sprung up for him and for my lovely daughter-in-law.  They say grace before their meals.  When they eat in the company of their peers, friends, colleagues, this becomes remarkable since most of their generation do not revere God.  So to witness this Godly couple in their midst gives them pause, first to reexamine their idea of what a Christian looks like, and second to become aware of the presence of God.

On one occasion, my son was at lunch with a friend.  The friend was paying, so my son did not consider it his place to take authority at the table and say grace.  He may have done so inwardly, but just dove in to his meal.  The friend was shocked, stopped him and asked, perplexed, "Aren't you going to do that grace thing?"  This precious soul had already developed a hunger for worship, just from seeing the example of it in giving thanks for food.

A Lib Rethinks Feminism

The word "feminism" ceased to be palatable to me after I realized that I had been lied to regarding my so called "right to an abortion", which turned out to be a doorway to all ugliness, an invitation from the culture of death to worship more deeply and more closely at the altar of the one whose aim is to destroy all of God's creation.  My divorce from feminism was final and without regrets.  

Being a wife only served to confirm how feminism handicaps women in relationships, as wives and mothers, with its insistence on the self-aggrandisement of the woman, the habitual stamping of the foot for "what I deserve!".  The one single ingredient that made my marriage finally begin to work is anathema to feminism - that was humility.  I have never needed the "f" word to define my strength, independence or achievement, and I have done what I could to warn off the young women in my arena to the hazards of feminism's braggadocio.

I am curious to read this from the critical liberal pen of Camille Paglia, who has been tracking the "f" movement and its weaknesses as it has morphed over the generations.  Perhaps she sees in Sarah Palin a new way of understanding how women are achieving some of feminism's goals wholly outside of the "feminist movement".  Here is Paglia:

"The next phase of feminism must circle back and reappropriate the ancient persona of the mother -- without losing career ambition or power of assertion. Betty Friedan, who had first attacked the cult of postwar domesticity, had long warned second-wave feminists such as Gloria Steinem about the damaging exclusion of homemakers from their value system. The animus of liberal feminists toward religion must also end (I am speaking as an atheist). Feminism must reexamine all of its assumptions, including its death grip on abortion, if it wishes to survive."

To read the whole piece, go to http://www.salon.com/opinion/paglia/2008/10/08/palin/index1.html.

A Forgiveness Story

Years ago I sat with my father in a cafe where his portraits of composers were on exhibit.  There was Bartok, Bach, Ives, Schubert, many beloved characters painted as though the essence of their music were swimming about their faces in brilliant colors.  He chatted with me about whom he had chosen to exclude from this series.  One excluded composer was Sibelius.  Dad explained, "He was at the premiere of Stravinsky's Firebird, and he booed!  I can never forgive him for that."  Then just as I was chuckling to myself about how ridiculous it is not to forgive something that happened over a century ago to people we don't even know, he chilled me with these words: "I don't believe in forgiveness, you know."

Because of the history of rejections and exclusions in our family, the most recent and painful involving Dad's rejection of my son, his words cut me to the quick.  I left there in grief for the ruined relationships and hurtful unforgiveness, and unapproachability of my father, and along with much of my family, carried the wound for a long time.  I endeavored finally to do what he could not, forgiving him and praying continually for him.

This last Father's Day we were in the same cafe again, at the same table, in fact.  My father's wife took me aside to share her disappointment in how my sister and I had dishonored our father by neglecting him in years past on Father's Day.  I saw that she was right.  Going back to the table I felt tears welling up, and had a quick discussion with myself as the scene blurred before me. I had a choice.  I could either pull myself together and write my father a letter some time later, or I could be a blubbering idiot, break down in tears right here and now and get it over with.  The decision was simple, once I put my pride aside.

I let it all out right then, tears, spittle, remorse and all, and asked my father for his forgiveness for dishonoring him on Father's Days past, and while I was at it, for some other not so nice stuff I'd done over the years.  What was the answer from the man who didn't believe in forgiveness?  "Of course I forgive you!"

That table in that cafe is a landmark for me, and that was a landmark moment, (which I immediately sullied by snapping at my step mother when she seemed to want me to stop my confession, but there again I went on to ask for her forgiveness and received it.)  The Lord did a beautiful work there, and if these were the bible days I'd put a rock there and rename the place Forgiveness Happened Here.

Oh, where would we be without our forgiveness?  In this season of the High Holy Days I treasure the forgiveness I received from my earthly father and I pray for myself that I will always be as eager to forgive others as I am to be forgiven.  Even more precious is the forgiveness offered by God through the sacrifice of His Son, the Lamb of God, which we need only reach out and ask for to receive all its blessings.  Let us not forget that the Lord wants us to be like Himself, and that means showing forgiveness, even seventy times seven times.

RELEASED FROM THE WORKS OF MY MOUTH

Loretta called me a few weeks ago at 8am and told me that she had a ticket for me to go to Israel with a group of prayer warriors. I was shocked and excited at the opportunity, but I was unable to accept it.  This is because I made a vow to God and to the world that I would not go to Israel without my husband.  My thinking when I made the vow was that I don't want our lives in worship and service to God to be divisive, and because it is my desire to go with him.  

I went into my prayer closet and spoke to God about it, seeking His counsel, searching my heart, and reading the Word.  Often when I ask the Lord to show me where in His Word I might find an answer to my concerns, He gently prompts me to just take up my daily reading.  That day I was reading Jeremiah 44.  I expected there might be something in there about going to Israel.  

Instead, I found a rebuke.   In that chapter Jeremiah is sending a message from the Lord to the Jews living in exile, warning the men regarding their wives who are worshipping other gods.  In verse 25 he refers to the bad vows they made with their mouths.  He says, "You will surely keep your vows and perform your vows!"  They were unwilling to repent of their vows, and thus suffered God's anger.

From this I understood that I had made a bad vow, a vow that took me out of God's will.  God wanted me to be free from vows, so that I can do His will, not my own.  I repented of all vows, asked my husband to release me also from the vow, and obtained his blessing to go to Israel.

The Lord made me ready to go to Israel that day, and freed me from the works of my mouth, but I was not to go to Israel.  Loretta later discovered that it was impossible to change the ticket over at such short notice.  In the end, she went to Israel, and has her own remarkable stories about her trip, and the time in advance of the trip.

My story is about how my Father in heaven brought me closer to readiness to do His will instead of my own.  And I stayed in my pajamas for my journey.

In His Likeness

That our bodies are just an approximation of the heavenly reality of Jesus' body, God's body, that we were made in His likeness, but of flesh rather than spirit, the best that could be concocted using the materials at hand.  (yet still loved by our Maker, the clay having been lovingly formed by the potter.)  

That our tabernacle was a replica of a heavenly tabernacle; our worship, our songs, our beauty, all shadows and copies of the true heavenly things, that the spirit world is the real world, and this world of decay and flesh is shadow.

For Christ has not entered the holy places made with hands, which are copies of the true, but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God for us;  (Hebrews 9:24)

The Many Faces of Naomi

...all things were created by Him, and for Him:
And He is before all things, and by Him all things consist. (Col 1:16-17)

Naomi Less Than a Minute Old

Naomi Michelle Titus

God is an awesome God.
Thank you LORD for blessing me and my family.
I am speechless before Your love, before Your grace.
I am in awe of Your design of the process of birth.
I thank You for my prayer partner and namesake.

Exactly Where He Wants Me

Albert is a soldier in the army of the Lord. He is ready for battle. He is unencumbered, so that if the Lord needs him to move out, he is ready to go. He describes himself like Gideon's soldiers who stood lapping their water from their hands instead of kneeling down to drink, that they might stay alert and ready. He shows me how this looks, with his hand cupped below his mouth as he scans the landscape for danger. Few possessions to tie him down, finances simple and in order, the minimizing of dependence on the ways of this world. He talked a lot, I listened. I admired, and I also wondered about myself.

I thought about how encumbered I am. I thought of the complexity of my finances, my burden of debt, so distasteful to me. I have always assumed that the Lord doesn't want me to be in debt, because it is an encumbrance and because it is ugly. I thought I was in debt because of some disharmonious disconnect between Father in heaven and me, or perhaps because of some shameful insufficiency of my character, that didn't allow me to be in my Father's will.

I thought God wanted me to be like Albert, and so after my encounter with Albert I despaired. Then I took a quiet path in which I tuned my ears to the Lord's still, small voice. I heard a message that surprised me, while it relieved me of a great long-standing discomfort. The Lord communicated to me in that moment that I am exactly where He wants me. He has allowed this uncomfortable debt to discipline and teach me. He could free me from my debts in the blink of an eye if He wanted to, but He has not done that.

There is much to glean from my financial indebtedness about the debt that Jesus paid on my behalf. I thank God for being so patient as to hold my hand through what Molly delightfully calls the Glorious Untangling of my finances, and I think now I can start really enjoying being in debt, as I seek higher understanding through it, as I seek to glorify the Father through it, and I continue to look to the Lord to bring me freedom from it, when it is His perfect will to do so.

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. (Romans 12:2)

Allow me to extend my hand to you, dear reader. Let me impart to you this gift of love that was given to me. It is the steady, daily, patient extended hand of love to you who do not know Yeshua HaMashiach, you who disdain the very mention of Jesus, you who can't even utter His powerful name, you who have not dared to consider that He is yours, as He is mine, a daughter of Abraham.

I love you, dear reader, as God loves you. I bless you, I pray for you, I extend my hand to you today and every day, that you might come to discover the love of Christ. I pass on to you by means of my prayers and appeals to God that very steady love that taught me what it means to be loved by Jesus, who loved me even when I rejected Him, as He loves you right now. May you come to step forward with courage and honest searching in our own scriptures, and in the New Testament, the B'rit Hadasha. You will find a book that was written for you, a seamless single book that runs from Genesis to Revelation. Jesus is present throughout. May your eyes be opened. May the seeds of joy be planted in you.

This is our joy, the redemption offered by the Almighty God who wept with his remnant in Egypt, at Babylon, at Masada, at Auschwitz. We who have grieved are offered joy. May it fall upon your head and spill over your whole being, until you are covered and glowing with the golden sweetness of redemption. May it be so today! In the name of Yeshua I ask this.

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth." (1 Cor 13:4-6)

Wedding Provision

So much prayer, fasting, submission to the will of God, practice of faith, as well as fretting, worry and doubt in the less admirable moments, went into the days and weeks leading up to Raechel's wedding.

A chain of events had to occur in order for everything to go smoothly. The roof had to be fixed so the rot damage in our new bedroom could be removed so the downstairs could be vacated so the kids could move in and a place could be made for my son and his wife so we could host them and have their help so we could make the wedding a reality so that so that so that...

We wondered, how will we ever be able to afford both the roof and the wedding costs, on top of all the usual massive expenses we deal with on a regular basis? I confess that most of the time I didn't believe it would happen. Oh ye of little faith, that was me.

As the blessings started to pour into our lives, it became clear that Father God was going to make it possible for us to graciously marry off our daughter, praise His Holy Name. I kept a list of how the Lord expressed His mighty creativity in provision for us through this challenging season. Here is a small sampling from a long list:

• The roofer quit halfway through the job, doing just enough work to make it possible for us to remove the rot and set the essential chain of events in motion, and we didn't have to pay him more than a small initial fee that covered the work he did.
• Mistaken IRS charges were removed to the tune of $1500.
• The wedding cake baker gave me a discount for paying in cash.
• My son and daughter-in-law graciously paid for all costs relating to the wedding invitations.
• AT&T sent me not one, not two, but three $50 gift cards for no good reason.
• And my favorite, the one that gave me such encouragement and soothed my worried mind:
I noticed that I had not received a bill for a long time for a payment plan for a hospital visit. I called the hospital billing office and the man told me gravely that my account had been sent to collections for non-payment. I protested, saying I've been paying this faithfully for 2 years. He asked me to hold while he went to investigate. While on hold a song came on the telephone. The lyrics went something like this: "We are angels. We've got roses, wings that fly, souls in flight. Everything's gonna be alright. Everything's gonna be alright." I began to cry, because it really seemed that God had gone out of His way to send His angels to assure me with the words of the song. When the man came back on the phone he apologized. My account had been mistakenly sent to collections, and to make things right he wanted to remove the balance due, which was $3.78.

So we succeeded, with the intervention of a most gracious and generous El Shaddai, who does care not just about important events in faraway places but about all the little details in our own front yard, in putting on a very wonderful wedding for our baby girl and our new son. I acknowledge You, honor You and thank You, Almighty God.

Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow, they neither toil nor spin. Yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown in the oven, will He not much more clothe you, you of little faith? (Matthew 6:28-30)

Messianic Prophecies

"Then he said, 'When I was with you before, I told you that everything written about me by Moses and the prophets and in the Psalms must all come true.'"

Please consider these Hebrew Scripture prophecies and the New Covenant fulfillment by Yeshua:

• Born in Bethlehem (Micah 5:2, Matthew 2:1; Luke 2:4-7)
• Born of a virgin (Isaiah 7:14; Matthew 1:21-23) as a descendant of Abraham (Genesis 12:1-3; 22:18; Matthew 1:1; Galatians 3:16), of the tribe of Judah (Genesis 49:10; Luke 3:23, 33; Hebrews 7:14), and of the house of David (2 Samuel 7:12-16; Matthew 1:1)
• Herod killing the infants (Jeremiah 31:15; Matthew 2:16-18)
• Taken to Egypt (Hosea 11:1; Matthew 2:14-15)
• Heralded by the messenger of the Lord (John the Baptist) (Isaiah 40:3-5; Malachi 3:1; Matthew 3:1-3)
• Anointed by the Holy Spirit (Isaiah 11:2; Matthew 3:16-17)
• Preached good news (Isaiah 61:1; Luke 4:14-21)
• Performed miracles (Isaiah 35:5-6; Matthew 9:35)
• Cleansed the Temple (Malachi 3:1; Matthew 21:12-13)
• Ministered in Galilee (Isaiah 9:1; Matthew 4:12-16)
• Entered Jerusalem as a king on a donkey (Zechariah 9:9; Matthew 21:4-9)
• First presented Himself as King 173,880 days from the decree to rebuild Jerusalem (Daniel 9:25; Matthew 21:4-11)
• Rejected by Jews (Psalm 118:22; 1 Peter 2:7)
• Died a humiliating death (Psalm 22; Isaiah 53) involving: rejection (Isaiah 53:3; John 1:10-11; 7:5,48), betrayal by a friend (Psalm 41:9; Luke 22:3-4; John 13:18), sold for 30 pieces of silver (Zechariah 11:12; Matthew 26:14-15), silence before His accusers (Isaiah 53:7; Matthew 27:12-14), being mocked (Psalm 22: 7-8; Matthew 27:31), beaten (Isaiah 52:14; Matthew 27:26), spit upon (Isaiah 50:6; Matthew 27:30), piercing His hands and feet (Psalm 22:16; Matthew 27:31), being crucified with thieves (Isaiah 53:12; Matthew 27:38), praying for His persecutors (Isaiah 53:12; Luke 23:34), piercing His side (Zechariah 12:10; John 19:34), given gall and vinegar to drink (Psalm 69:21, Matthew 27:34, Luke 23:36), no broken bones (Psalm 34:20; John 19:32-36), buried in a rich man's tomb (Isaiah 53:9; Matthew 27:57-60), casting lots for His garments (Psalm 22:18; John 19:23-24).
• Rose from the dead! (Psalm 16:10; Mark 16:6; Acts 2:31)
• Ascended into Heaven (Psalm 68:18; Acts 1:9)
• Sat down at the right hand of God (Psalm 110:1; Hebrews 1:3)

Consider the odds that:

1.	Yeshua would be a descendant of David.	104 (1 in 10,000)
2.	Yeshua would be born in Bethlehem.	105 (1 in 100,000)
3.	Yeshua would be a miracle worker.	105 (1 in 100,000)
4.	Yeshua would present Himself as King riding on a donkey.	106 (1 in 1,000,000)
5.	Yeshua would be betrayed by a friend for 30 pieces of silver.	106 (1 in 1,000,000)
6.	Yeshua would be crucified.	106 (1 in 1,000,000)
7	Yeshua would first present Himself as King 173,880 days from the decree of Artaxerxes to rebuild Jerusalem.�����	106 (1 in 1,000,000)
	Total Probability (without God)	1038 (1 in a 100 billion, billion, billion, billion)

Mother Asks Again

At lunch with my mother, she again asks the question, the thorn that won't be removed, the stumbling block, the pet unanswerable: Where was God during the holocaust?

Hear, my beloved people! The Lord our God has answers to this question. They lie within the pages of His book, our own dear Hebrew scriptures, if you would only read them!

Here is an answer:
Where was God during our persecution and slavery under the Egyptians? He was preserving a remnant of His people and preparing to deliver them for return to His promised land.
Where was God during our persecution and slavery under the Assyrians? He was preserving a remnant of His people and preparing to deliver them for return to His promised land.
Where was God during our persecution and slavery under the Babylonians? He was preserving a remnant of His people and preparing to deliver them for return to His promised land.
Where was God during our persecution and slavery under the Persians? He was preserving a remnant of His people and preparing to deliver them for return to His promised land.
Where was God during our persecution and slavery under the Nazis? He was preserving a remnant of His people and preparing to deliver them for return to His promised land.

We are that remnant, and nothing could demonstrate God's existence, His purpose for us as outlined in His Holy Word, as convincingly as our mere existence: a scattered remnant, once a minor nomadic people that has survived through the millenia, with a Holy book that is a history of God's self-disclosure, an unlikely stiff-necked people that God made a promise to. It is because of that promise that we are still around, because God is a God of His Word. Who are we if not people of the Book? People of the Promise? People through whom the Messiah was promised and through whom the Messiah came, exactly as promised in our Hebrew scriptures. The Messiah not just of our people, but of the whole world. Read the prophecies for yourself! See how they came about! See Yeshua in the Tanakh!

What was God doing during those early Shoahs of the bible days? "The Lord said, 'I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey-" (Ex 3:7-8)

Where was God during the holocaust? He was seeing the misery of His people, hearing them crying, concerned about their suffering, preparing to rescue them and bring them back into that good and spacious land.

Praise God for Seeds Planted

Hi Michelle,
I met Doug a few years back when he was living in Exeter. I had recently purchased a Roland Digital recorder, so I drove over to check out his gear an the quality of recording that he was doing.
He turned me on to your Spinner CD and I was quite impressed with it. I thought to myself that this gal should be singing to the Lord....what a voice...what a talent.
Well, today, for the first time in years I was talkin to a friend of mine in Exeter and thought about Doug. So I got on the internet and found his site once again, and of course a link to your site...and then what did I discover.... The Blogger and your profile and how you love the Lord....I'm excited for you...and what I thought many years ago would come to pass....another wonderful voice...singing and giving HIM PRAISE.....

Gentle Knocking

As soon as I invited Jesus to enter my heart I recognized that He had been knocking at the door of my heart for a long long time. I didn't know what that knocking was until I responded to it, then I realized that the knocking was a warm, familiar old friend. Jesus, Savior, standing like a stranger in the night, out in the rain - as if my window were so important that anyone would want to stand under it - serenading me with his gentle, unperturbed, patient silence, simply waiting for me to be ready.

Lately I have become attuned to a new knocking at the door of my heart, and I know exactly what it is. I recognize in it an invitation from the Holy Spirit to worship. I have become attuned to how I postpone responding to this precious invitation, how I distract myself with competing activities, how I wait for the knocking to settle down and leave me alone, how I check in later and am relieved that the one at the door has finally given up and gone home.

But somehow the knocking is coming into focus, emerging from a fog of vagueness into the forefront of my thoughts. I can talk about it now. It is a phenomenon now, a subject to write about, an issue to bring up in conversation. I am turning to face it, I am walking toward the door. I am turning the knob, I am inviting the Holy Spirit in for a nice leisurely visit. I am putting aside my knitting, switching off the TV and tuning in to what my "guest" has to say. Holy Spirit says, "Worship more!" And in that message I also recognize an answer to prayer.

How many times have I asked the Lord to show me His heart? How many times have I asked the Holy Spirit to lead and guide me, to set my feet in the right direction? How many times have I asked for more faith, a deeper walk? Any number of prayers have come forth from my mouth, and this invitation is the answer. I will grow more faith, walk closer to the Lord, find relief from the stresses, have greater clarity and certainty about God's will for me, if I just spend more time in worship. The reward is there. The answers are there.

Do I have the stamina to stay awake in the garden, to stand vigil with my Lord as He prays? Do I have enough desire to commune with my God to fight off inertia, to overcome my laziness, and go that strange new path with no tools, no computer, no pencil and paper even, no guitar or cell phone, just my heart of worship?

The Walk Through the World

Jesus was washing his disciples' feet when Peter in his enthusiasm suggested that Jesus wash not just his feet but his hands and head as well. Jesus replied, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you." (John 13:10)

The meaning in this story told in John 13, as I heard it today, beyond the very important meaning of Jesus' example of service that He expects us to emulate by serving one another, and beyond His recognition that one of the disciples was soiled in his heart, is that we who follow Jesus have been cleansed in our spirits in a way that does not require repetition. We don't need to be saved, or wholly cleansed, repeatedly or regularly.

However, because we walk through the world, not as striclty spiritual beings as we will be in Heaven but as fleshly creatures, we pick up the filth and pollution of the world on our feet. That is, the part of us that touches the world, dominion of the enemy, must be regularly attended to with cleansing. Even clean, we continue to sin.

The task Jesus sets before us in His example of washing our feet is to attend to one another's spiritual cleanliness within the context of having been wholly saved. We must encourage one another in regular repenting in order to cleanse ourselves of the filth of sin we accumulate from walking in the world. We must participate in one another's cleansing process, as one body, as a family with no secrets, as members who trust one another with their dirty feet.

Show Me How To Pray

God shows me how to pray. I say to God, "How would you like me to pray for so-and-so or such-and-such?" Then I stay alert and look around for clues to what His answer might be.

When Frank fell away from his faith I asked God how I should pray for Frank. Then I pulled up in front of a Jack In The Box restaurant. In the window were three posters for new products. One said, "Shake Things Up" - it was for a new milkshake; one said, "Outlaw Burger", and one said, "Choose Ciabata". So I took the three slogans and put them together to say, "Shake Frank up so he sees he is an outlaw and chooses salvation in Jesus."

I prayed this consistently for many months, and recently Frank reported that he did have a shake up, saw that he was going to go to hell, and chose Jesus. This has convinced me that when God shows you how to pray, He has you on target with His mighty and perfect will, and that's exactly where I want to be.

(You may ask, "Why didn't you pray that Frank would Things his Burger Ciabata?" But then I would have to say that God does not dwell in the meaningless, but thank you so much for the suggestion.)

Since then, I have asked how to pray for many family members and friends. I am using a lot of road signs and billboards and such, and finding this a very effective shorthand for prayer. One set of friends gets a prayer that they will be united in Christ, because I saw a United freight truck when I asked about how to pray for them. Another gets a prayer that she is washed spotless, because I happened to be passing a carwash that used those words when I asked God how to pray for her.

By the way, I am totally loving the current AT&T ad campaign that I'm seeing on city buses. When I laid concerns about the deterioration of my house before the Lord, He showed me an ad that says, "The Most Complete Provider for The Way You Live". Yes, I do live under Jehovah Jireh, according to "the Way"! Another ad says, "Your World Delivered", and I say AMEN.

Radio Death

The enemy of Life is reveling in the current discussion of the tomb of Christ that was "discovered" by film director James Cameron. Jerry and I were driving home last night listening to a radio host who was speaking in tones of conciliation and peace, but this man's words were an assault on the Truth of the Kingdom of God. "Wouldn't it be a good thing to know that Jesus didn't resurrect as a body, that he really was just a good man, and human like us?" Wouldn't it bring us closer to Jesus to know that he had a wife and child?"

As we were listening, suddenly a horrifying voice, clearly not the voice of the radio host, but a voice alongside him, uttered a garbled gutteral vocalization, not in recognizable language, but in a horrific sort of devilish laughter. It sent shivers down our spines. We had not a single moment's doubt whose voice it was. We immediately switched off the radio and had to pray away the creeping sense of evil that came through the airwaves.

How the devil loves it when the world denies the divinity of our Lord. I have heard him raising his awful noise - I was going to say rejoicing, but what joy does the devil know? He knows only the cruel, tearing pleasure of our destruction and death, which are the fruit of such lies as are being perpetrated by those who seek to disprove the Lordship of Jesus.

Lesson From a Hymn

When I encountered the hymn, Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing, I was very touched by it and added it to my repertoire. But as I examined the words, I found myself troubled to be singing lyrics that confessed to being prone to wander from God.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love;

No Lord, not me! I will never wander! Those can't be the words of one who loves you as I do! I changed the verses around, since the song was too long anyway and I found I could combine this phrase with that one and make a perfectly good reduction that eliminated those lyrics that I didn't like.

Then one day I found myself wandering. I was undone, like a doll whose stuffing and stitching were coming apart. I had a bad week. I experienced chilling faithlessness. I forgot God's promises, His Word and His comfort. I found I hadn't read from the Word of God for so long I was lost in a foreign country. I let doubt, confusion and distress be my master. I couldn't maintain steady worship. As I groped to find my way back to peace and the familiar warmth of the bosom of the Lord, I finally saw myself in those words.

Left to my own devices I will revert to my former ways. I will become a slave to the desires of my flesh. I will descend into isolation and despair. I will worry myself sick. If I am passive, inertia will be the tool of the enemy to bring me to forget, disregard, doubt, neglect, and finally be swallowed up in a numbing sleep.

Christianity is not intuitive, it is not native to our selfish natures. It is not passive. Only by the daily renewal of vows, the constant involvement in spiritual surrender to the precious Lamb of God, the continual discipline of worship, can the Lord overcome the barriors of self and remake us in His own image. For this reason, I sing,

Let Thy goodness, like a fetter, Bind my wandering heart to Thee.

Little Curve-Ball

Having just learned that my daughter is going to have a child, my whole world has been turned on its head. Often when she has gotten herself into trouble she says, "Mommy, I have to make all the same mistakes you made."

She has indeed gone in many of the foolish directions I did at her age, and come back from them, by the grace of God. But one mistake she is not making is that she would never consider having an abortion as I did, praise God. She is going to have her baby. She is going to marry Eddie and change her life to accommodate this new life growing within her. To me this feels like such a vindication for my error, such a victory for life and its Author, such a slap in the face for the enemy of Life. Thank you Father that I will have a chance to honor the life of this child.

While there is much to say about this, I say today, Glory to You, Father, that my family ties with the spirit of the unwanted child are severed in the precious name of Jesus.

The Gift of Giving

When I worked in a flower shop I found that there were flowers that were fresh on Saturday, but wouldn't make it through Sunday to be fresh still on Monday. So when I joined my church I asked a local flower shop if they would donate such flowers for our Sunday morning worship. This shop agreed to do so, and has been faithful to donate every Sunday for almost three years, and I have the dear pleasure of preparing a small fresh arrangement for Sunday services each week.

One Sunday I sat in church during services and gazed at the lovely flowers I'd arranged with such care. I was filled with joy to be able to worship the Lord in this way. I said to God in my mind, "I am so happy to be able to give you this gift!"

God answered me that day most clearly. He said, "You give me this gift? Don't you mean that I give you this gift?" I could only answer, "Yes, Father. You give to me, that I may give back to you."

Truly, even our praise of God is by His grace and is a gift from Him. As the hymn says, "Thou must light the flame, or never can my love be warmed to praise."

"Lord, my spirit's ardent feelings vainly would my lips express.
Low before thy footstool kneeling, deign thy suppliant's prayer to bless;
Let thy grace, my soul's chief treasure, Love's pure flame within me raise;
And, since words can never measure, let my life show forth thy praise!"

at the buffet

J: tell you what - when we get to the wedding feast in heaven we can meet at the buffet table. i'll be over by the prawns.

M: not sure there are gonna be prawns at the wedding feast buffet table in heaven. they're not kosher.

J: hmmm...

M: maybe we can meet at the salmon filet?

J: no, we'll meet at the prawns. in heaven the prawns are kosher.